


Broken

by Theresalwaysamystery



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, I think I got everything, Jane has a really rought night thinking about everything that has happened, Oh, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, also written before sophie died., and it gets so bad that Lisbon thinks she needs to call Sophie to help, but if i didn't let me know and i'll add it, if you're curious and want to know before reading just shoot me a message, may be triggering, written before Red John was dealt with in the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 09:09:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11272371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theresalwaysamystery/pseuds/Theresalwaysamystery
Summary: Jane is up to his usual tricks, and pulls Lisbon along for the ride. Lisbon gets more than she bargained for when she asks him to open up to her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally posted as part of a Secret Santa Exchange on ffn, (with someone who i'm not quite sure what their url is any more; if you come across this let me know and i'll tag you :-P). Edits have been made since then, but it is the same story. If i've missed any triggers let me know. You can also find me on tumblr at iwouldntmissitfortheworld. Thanks for reading! ~M

"I'm sorry Teresa," Jane apologized as he got out of the car; Lisbon's car. Looking around he didn't recognize the simple modern house they were heading towards, with it's high windows and square edges everywhere. It wasn't quite to his taste, and he grimaced a moment, but intelligent man that he was, he knew that it meant that he was just less likely to be found. That was what protective custody was really all about right?

He didn’t need to like it. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t like to like it.

"No you're not" Lisbon's tone was supposed to be harsh, but there was something else he couldn't quite distinguish in her voice, possibly annoyance. Dressed in an outfit the likes of which Jane had never seen her wear, he couldn't help but stare a bit. The elegant top and sleek, flattering pants had been hard to see in the car, but the street light gave him a clear view and he admired how they suited her.

"No" He protested, "I mean it, when we get out of this mess-"

Lisbon stopped, one hand on the door handle, and interrupted him "-we?" She made it clear, to her there was no ‘we’. He’d done this all on his own and she knew it.

"When I get out of this mess;” He gave a little smile, “ I'm going to make it up to you"

"Yes you are." She opened the door to the house, rolling her eyes, and flicked the light on. It was obvious she didn’t even believe there even really was a ‘mess’, her mannerisms were much too casual, and unconcerned, she wasn’t really scared for his safety- and she’d be right.

"I mean it!" Jane looked around at the room they now stood in. Simple, and comfortable. A couch stood at the far end, with the kitchen to his right. Tea, he thought, tea could make everything better, and he headed in that direction. Lisbon turned to lock the door behind them, and followed him with an exasperated sigh.

"Jane? What's going on this time?"

"You know how it goes. Big bad guys start shooting, I-I don't like it."

"And that’s all I’m going to get?

"There is nothing more! I swear!" he turned though to grab some mugs, trying his best to hide a look full of chagrin.

"Why don't I believe you? Oh! Could it have something to do with the fact that I was going out on my first real date in months? Then I get a call saying Jane's been ‘attacked’, and since I’m the lead on your case, as per your request, I have to come right away?" She made a face to go with her air quotations around the word 'attacked'. "I'm pretty sure they were old friends of yours weren't they? I mean you don’t have a scratch on you. Jane, I don’t know why you think I’d fall for this again, I also don’t know who let it slip that I was going out tonight, but you should save your petty jealousy for somebody else."

He went to speak, and she interrupted him.

“I don’t want to hear it.” She tossed the keys on the table and stormed into the next room.

Now it was Jane's turn to sigh. He should've been expecting this, there were only so many times he could manipulate their friendship before she would begin to question absolutely everything he said or did. He bit his lip, and hoped it wasn’t too late already.

The kettle whistled and startled him, and a few moments later that he was walking into the other room with a full tray, a look on his face that spoke more of the guilt he felt for abusing their relationship, than abusing his relationship with the law.  
∞∞∞

Lisbon was absentmindedly flicking through channels on the TV, she didn't even glance up as he entered. Growling in frustration, (she could find nothing worth watching,) she turned if off. Jane silently handed her a cup of Earl Grey, and went to sit on the couch opposite her. 

They both sat for a while, saying nothing, each lost in their own thoughts. Lisbon looked at her hot drink, wishing he has thought to make something less stimulating this late at night. If it had to have caffeine in it, couldn't he have made some coffee? 

That thought almost made her chuckle. Who was she kidding. Jane? Make coffee...? It was laughable.

It wasn’t long before she began to notice his constant glances upwards. Not often, but every few minutes, he would look at her like he had something to say, and then quickly down again. She knew what he was doing, she’d seen it before.

Finally, she got fed up. "Would you stop that!"

"Stop what?" he replied, and crossed one foot over the other.

"You know what!" He was playing his head games again, and it infuriated her.

"I do?"

"Jane..." She sighed "You're prying. You want me to talk first, to tell you something, just so that you don't have to offer up any information yourself. You do it more than you realize."

"Is there something to tell?" he asked innocently, looking down.

"You tell me!"

"Alright. From your nearly hostile tone, and from years working together before I became a target, I’m aware that you’re angry about my manipulation of your beloved legal system to arrange protective custody for myself- However the fact that you came anyways means that you care enough to have been worried about me, regardless of the fact that you knew it was a hoax the whole time." Jane smiled at her, and she frowned. she hated that he knew her so well. "I'm touched Lisbon," he continued, "really, it means a lot."

"I didn't choose to come..." her voice drifted off, uncommitted and it was all he needed to seal his argument.

"Teresa, please, there is no point arguing, we both know the truth. You can stop pretending.  
He was like a child at times, Jane, and she had to at least try to put on a good front, and play the dutiful cop. Now though, after a long moment, she looked away to hide the exasperated smile that grew across her features.

"Don't think I'm not still mad at you. Those men..."

"Ah, they'll be out the other side of the car, cuffs on the seat before Detective Rigsby can get in the front and start the engine."

"You're probably right...” she chuckled.

"Was your date really that bad?"

Lisbon gave Jane one of those 'how on earth did you know' looks, then remembered who she was talking to. "Absolutely awful. He took me bowling, which I guess isn't too bad, but for the fact that he's a very sore loser. The rest of the evening was not looking good; I think he had a burger joint planned."

“Didn’t even ask if you ate meat first?”

She shook her head. “Hardly.”

"-and you were wearing that?"

"Ridiculous isn't it?" She looked down at the shirt. Why had she worn it anyways? It was something Van Pelt had gotten her for her birthday, and definitely not something she would have chosen for herself.  
"All I meant, was if he wanted to continue being seen with a woman who dresses like that, bowling was not a good first choice. Also, I was thinking ‘Sexy’ but if you prefer ridiculous..." He shrugged with a faint smile, and sipped at his cup.

"Sexy?" She half smiled herself, and thought about what he'd said. "Jane, why do you do this?"

Jane said nothing, easily predicting what she was going to say, but doing nothing to stop her.

"You continuously flirt, but you won't move on. Jane you have to let her go, she'd want you to be happy."

"I know," he said softly, and traced the rim of the cup with his thumb. "So are you two planning another date?"

"No,” she chuckled, “I think one was enough." 

He nodded, seemingly happy at her response. 

Taking a deep breath, she stood and went to sit on the couch with him. 

"You planned this all for a reason, I know you. Do you want to talk about something?” God knows there were so many things they needed to talk about, given the events of the past week, but she’d been waiting for him to bring it up. Maybe it was finally time?

"I'm not allowed to just have you over to hang out? Watch a movie?"

"Jane this isn't your house. We haven't 'hung out' like this before, not alone. Cut the crap. Is this about Red John? What did he say to you?"

"Teresa it doesn't matter what he said."

She’d hit a nerve. "Of course it does. Talk to me Jane." She wasn't sure what to think of him calling her Teresa all the time now. She'd tried calling him Patrick, and it hadn't gone over so well.

"It's just hard, you know?"

Lisbon reached out and grabbed his hand. It was warm, but stiff. "Jane..." She squeezed his hand with her own, forcing the now quiet Jane to look up at her. Their eyes caught for a few seconds, and she saw more pain in them then she'd thought he harboured, more pain than she thought anyone could bear. She’d known that he blamed himself for their deaths, but this, this was more.

"Jane, tell me."

Jane looked to the side and pulled his hand away. Gently he put his cup on the table. "Teresa. Don't go there. It's a dark place. You don't want to see it."

"What if I do? Jane you know everything there is to know about me, and most of it I didn't even get to tell you myself. It's only fair that I should know more about you." She tried to appeal to his reasonable side. There was something… intuition maybe, but Teresa just knew she had to get him to open up. Something was eating at him, and it wasn't healthy. They might have only been colleagues, once upon a time, but he was a dear friend now and she hated to see him hurt.

His eyes hardened over again, and for a moment Teresa thought she had chosen the wrong thing to say. Instead, Jane simply asked, "When's the next shift?"

It wasn't a question Teresa had been expecting, but nevertheless she recovered her composure quickly "They're not. I told them I’d stay with you for the rest of the night. Considering I knew this was all a hoax, and that you weren’t really in any danger…” she sighed. “Besides, no one wants to get up at 1 am, so they were fine to let me do a double watch." She studied his reaction, but he revealed nothing, he rarely did. "Jane..." She reached for his hand again, but this time he wouldn't let her take it. He stood up and gathered the now empty cups, and carried them into the kitchen. Disappointed, but determined to let him take the time he needed, she waited where she was. 

It was nearly ten minutes later when her concern was enough that she went to check what he was doing.

He was in the kitchen, the dirty cups on the counter untouched. He had his back to her, and was staring out the window.

"Jane?" Teresa said gently. When he didn't respond or move at all, she tried again. "Jane?" He continued to stare, apparently ignoring her. What on earth was so interesting out there? She walked around so that she could see his face. "Jane...?" she said hesitantly, before registering his expression. “Jane!” 

His eyes were darting back and forth and his knuckles were white where they gripped the counter behind him "JANE!" She grabbed his shoulder with the last attempt, and startled him. He looked dreadful now, but she was certain whatever he felt here was better than whatever memory he had been stuck in. 

Was it her fault he was relapsing? She’d known he suffered PTSD, with occasional disassociations from reality, but she hadn’t known that it was all this close to the surface. Had she pushed too hard in her quest for the answers? Oh god what had she done?

Jane looked about him as if he had just woken up. "Teresa?" His tone frightened her, it was uncertain, small, and hesitant. Nothing at all like the man she knew. The Jane she was seeing now was vulnerable, more vulnerable then she'd ever seen before.

"Jane it's me," she tried to comfort him, "It's alright, you’re safe. Just breathe. What can I do to help?"

"Teresa, It's my fault. All of it." He swallowed hard, and his legs seemed to simply fold under him. Teresa caught him as best she could, but he was heavier than she could manage on her own, so she just ended up on the floor with him. She sat with him half leaning into her, half against the cabinets, legs out awkwardly to the side in a position that couldn’t be comfortable, but she wasn’t concerned about comfort at the moment; neither was he.

"Jane, it's not your fault."

"Yes it is." He leaned into her for support, resting his head on her shoulder. "All of them dead, because of me. All because of me. Because of me." He continued to mutter for another couple of moments.

Teresa took his face in her hands, and pulled the both of them into a better position "Jane, look at me. Look at me!" his eyes found hers, and for once she understood what it would have been like for Sophie, dealing with this broken man who had lost all his family, in one way or another. "Jane, it is not your fault. If you think that, then he wins. You hear me? He. Wins." She looked at him again, and wondered again what she had done. "C'mmere," she said, and pulled him into a hug. Jane was silent, his actions as if he were on auto pilot; he had no conscious decisions over what he was doing. Teresa gave him a tight squeeze then pulled back, alarmed at the rigidity in his frame. Had her words simply made things worse? It hadn't taken much, if so, and that thought greatly concerned her. Was it safe for him to be out in public if a couple words were all it took for him to break down? Her brow furrowed for a split second before she wiped her face of all emotion. Jane was dealing with enough emotions of his own. Hers weren't needed here.

"Teresa-"

"Yes?" Her voice was hopeful.

"You should've stopped me. Stopped me from tracking down Red John."

"Jane," She squeezed his hands, and felt a slight squeeze back. Hope flared in her chest. "Tracking him down was a good thing, in the end. So many lives were saved-"

"-no. Well maybe,” he allowed, shaking his head, “but no. Many lives were saved; but many, may more were lost. All because of me." Jane fell silent again.

Teresa sighed. "Jane, he would've killed them all and more. There is nothing you could have done."

"If I hadn't looked for him, he wouldn't have killed them. He told me."

So that's what this was all about. Finally, the soft spoken words of a serial killer to a desperate man came out. Words to a vengeful man, a broken man. Words meant to cause the utmost pain. It saddened her deeply that he had succeeded. "So? Why would you believe him? He's messing with you Jane, don't let him. Common Jane, let's get you on the couch, yeah? Let’s try that."

He nodded somewhat and she took that as assent. Draping his arm across her shoulders, she was able to half guide, half stumble, and help Jane to the couch in the room from before. He didn’t say a word, made no sound the entire time. When he sat, he simply stared into the distance, or his eyes darted to things that Teresa was fairly sure were not there. She sat on a foot rest at the base of the couch, grasping his hands in her own. She tried to talk to him some more, begged, pleaded, bargained. He barely registered her existence, trapped in his own painful mind. She tried desperately to coax some sense out of him, she needed to help, however she could, however he would let her. 

Eventually, although she hated to admit it, she could do no more.

"Jane?" she said, without hope even that he would hear her, but because it would feel wrong if she didn't. "Jane, I'm going to call Sophie, alright? She'll be here soon." Teresa stood from her place on the floor at the bottom of the couch, and walked towards where she had left her phone in the other room. Screw two o'clock in the morning, he needed Sophie. "I'll be right back"

"No—." There was desperation in his voice.

"No?" She was surprised he had registered what she'd been saying, and turned back towards him.

"Don't." Jane whispered.

"Jane?" Had he snapped out of it? She hardly dared hope.

"Don't call Sophie. Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone." His voice was louder and clearer now, but scared.

"Jane you need help... I'm way outta my league here."

"I don't need help. I need time. Please," He begged, raising his eyes to meet hers of his own accord for the first time that night, "Don't leave me"

Her heart softened at the tone of his voice, "Alright" she gave in, and went to go sit on the chair. At least he was interacting with the real world again, that had to count for something.

"No, come here" Jane was pointing to a spot on the couch.

Teresa changed direction, and sat swiftly beside him on the couch, not hesitating at all. If she'd thought about it, her working instinct would probably have told her to avoid such a situation, even as benign as it was, but she was thinking only of what Jane needed. She was definitely not a Boss tonight; she was a friend, a friend helping a friend in need. He pulled his knees up under him, and leaned against her, adopting a very childlike pose, and it just seemed right to put her arm around his shoulder. She felt him relax as her arm wrapped around his upper body, his muscles stopped their near invisible quivering and loosened a bit. 

He took a deep breath. "Thank you."

"Of course. I’m not going anywhere."

"Everyone leaves. Promise me you won't leave Teresa? No matter what?" There was fear in his voice, and she rushed to calm him down again.

"I won't leave."

"Promise me."

"I promise." She said.

"Thank you" he breathed, and after a moment, dropped his head so that it rested on her shoulder. Teresa stiffened for a moment, and then softened back into the couch. It was actually quite comfortable. She found herself playing with his hair every now and then, and had to stop before he might notice. Not that he would. He seemed to drift in and out of memories, and when he was somewhere where he could see her, he simply seemed thankful that she was there. When he started to panic, she would calm him, rubbing his shoulders and repeating, "Jane, Jane, It's all right, You’re safe, it's all right..."

As the night wore on, Teresa felt her lack of rest wearying her, and was thankful when Jane finally fell asleep. Careful as she could, she lifted his head from her lap, and wedged a pillow in as she got up. She then made herself a cup of coffee, and fetched her phone from the other room. She didn't feel comfortable leaving him for any longer, not in the state he'd been in. Not wanting him to know that she'd left, even for a minute or two, she returned to the same spot on the couch, his head in her lap. Some hair had fallen in his face, and so she brushed it back with two fingers. Her stomach fluttered with concern, it was the same reason she'd brought her phone. If Jane didn't snap out of it, or if he got worse, she needed to be able to contact someone to help. She wasn't able to give him what he needed, she was no psychiatrist. After a few seconds of fidgeting with her phone she nodded, satisfied. If he wanted help or not, Sophie was now on speed dial. She clicked the phone closed and set it on the side table.

Teresa sighed, and couldn't help but stroke his face with her hand. He looked so childlike and innocent in sleep, so unaffected by the horrors that he had seen and experienced. Biting her lip, she dreaded the moment when he awoke to all the horrors of earlier that evening. “Oh Jane.” 

Hours later, after sleeping in twenty minute intervals and having weighed the benefits of her desired course of action, against Jane's desires, her concern finally grew to the point that she couldn't reasonably put it off any longer. She dialled the phone.  
She was willing to do almost anything Sophie needed from her, but she knew going in there was one thing she would refuse, no matter what.

She wouldn't leave unless he wanted her to. She'd made a promise.


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then morning comes.

She woke with a start in the morning, and was surprised to find that they had somehow switched positions; she was now sleeping with her head on his shoulder. How on earth-

"Morning sleepyhead"

"Jane?!" She sat upright so fast she almost fell over, and whipped her head around to look at him. He looked disheveled, exhausted, and maybe a tad nervous, but there was no sign that he was going to drift out again. He half smiled at her, a grateful smile, and she nearly choked in surprise. "Jane?" She was more hesitant this time, as if she were testing the waters before diving in.

"Teresa. I'm sorry- I'm sorry you had to see that." He got right to the point. She on the other hand, wasn't sure what to make of the sudden change.

"Are you... how are you?"

"I'm much better. That...” he bit his lip, “That happens every now and again. It's nothing to worry about."

Teresa was surprised, "Nothing to worry about? It's happened before? Jane, that's not healthy."

"I'm so sorry you were here for it."

"I did push. And you did warn me... but Jane, does anyone know?"

"Yes; you." He had that look in his eye, a joking look that she was not ready for yet. Clearly something in her own expression told him as much and he quickly changed his tone. "And yes, i may have ‘warned you’, but I was never talking about this; I never thought that this would happen. I was just trying to say that there were things you don’t want to know about me."

She frowned, and he continued.

"Teresa, there is a reason i haven't told you everything. And maybe I will be able to, eventually, but I can’t right now. I want you to know something though, You know more than anyone, apart from Sophie. I trust you, I always have. And i ask you now, you can't tell anyone about this. Please? Promise me?"

"Jane... " she grimaced, and looked over at the clock, Sophie would be there soon. "It may be too late for that…" 

Jane's face was almost comical, as he said, "Teresa, What did you do?"

"Well, you should tell her anyways, so it's not a big deal. I called Sophie." Jane's face was clear image of, 'Why, why would you do that?', and so she hurried to explain, "Jane I was worried sick about you. I know you didn't want me to call her, but I wasn't sure what else to do. I didn't know what was going on, and i didn't want you to get hurt any more than you were already." She could see the beginnings of understanding in his face, and it gave her the courage to continue. 

"I’m sorry Jane, but it was the right thing to do. I'll stand by that." Teresa stood up off the couch, and turned to face him. "Jane--Patrick. I'm not going to lie, that- that was one of the scariest things I've done in a long time. One moment you were terrified of everything in sight, the next you were seeing things that weren't there! I did the best i could, but can you blame me for wanting someone here when i woke up if you were the same as before? Or even worse?" there was moisture at the edged of her eyes, she could feel it, and she furiously blinked it away as she stood there, and dared him to tell her she was wrong.

Jane stood up, and reached his arms out, "Common," he said, "Commere." He wrapped his arms tight around her, and squeezed, resting his head on her shoulder, just like last night. After a moment or two, she hugged him back, having to reach up now because they were both standing. They relaxed into the hug, taking comfort in the presence of the other, but needing nothing more. 

"Thank you." He said simply "Thank you for staying. Thank you for not leaving me." He let go of the embrace, and squeezed her hands. After a long night of her clutching them, trying to reach Jane through contact, the fact that they were so full of life was nice to feel. She squeezed back, letting him know that she was still here. 

She wouldn't leave unless he wanted her to. She'd made a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys, comments and kudos always loved! ~M


End file.
